well... i guess i should start from the beginming, which isnt that log ago, just this summer.
well i have a frind, jon... jon is a marine currently in japan, he has a lot of friends, one being my friend who is going out with bob, another is jane.
when i first met jane we talked a little, then after a week or so we started to talk more.. until we got to where, at least in my mind, we were talking like a couple of friends...
towards the end of july i guess it was, there was a big inter-friend drama fight because jane did drugs, told bob's gf, and bob's gf told me, cause jon and bob's gf were apparently trying to hook me up with jane when i met her and, i must admit, it was working a bit, i grew to really like jane, but withheld from telling jane at that time cause
1) she lives in a different state, and i've never been a a relationship period, let alone one that we're 1000 miles apart or whatever, and
2) jane is the kind of girl who wouldnt give a guy like me a second glance on the street... hell, i'd b lucky to get a first glance from someone who looks like her
anyway.. i told bob's gf (who will now b known as "ann") partly because i needed to tell someone, and i was waiting to tell jane, and partly because ,well ann was one of the ppl trying to hook me up with jane, and also partly because i needed advise from what a girl thought...
anyway... back to the story... jane had stoped talking to me like almost completely.. like when she did talk to me she seemed to use as few words as possible, after the whole "jane on drugs" thing went down, jane seemed to talk to me again, like accually talking to me, then she was offline for a bit (i dont feel like going into that big mess) but when she got back on it seems she didnt talk to me as much, and now, tho i know she has limited access to the net, i havent really talked to her all that much since augest... the only time i talked to her mose than just bullshit convo was by accident, im pretty sure.. apparently jane is a huge fan of the local sports team and i just happened to say (as a filler) "so.. how about them (incert favorite sports team)?"
and of course she began to talk about her fave sports team.. that was the most we really taked in like 3 months... thats 1/4 of a year... thats over half the time i've known her
but it's not like she couldnt send an email saying "hey, how u been?" or something like that
i fear i may have scared her away because in order to try to take some of the pressure off of ann during the "jane was on drugs" drama, i told jane that the only realn she told me is cause i liked her... so i'm afraid that the only time i have really felt emotions, and told ppl about it in a long time made it so that she doesnt talk to me anymore... i guess thats what i get for going against my better judgment
i'll b really surprised if jane ever talkes to me again... i dont want to say that she's dead to me, like i have done to my older brother, but i dont think that i'll start the convo, i might but if she starts with this hardly talking to me thing, then i probibly wont start the convo, assuming that she doesnt want anything to do with me.. i'll probibly treat her like i do my neighbor... i will say hello if he says hello first, i'll talk if he talks to me first. i'll talk to jane if she talks first, but im afraid that if i do that it'll b just like now, exccept that i cant tell myslef that she's not online at all... the only thing left would b that she doesnt want to talk to me at all and i really dont want to know that someone doesnt want to talk to me because i told them i liked them
well i'm gonna end it there cause this has become a fucking long post, and chances r u didnt even really read it anyway
thought of the day
"always listen to ur gut feelings
they know more than u ever will
i learned that the hard way"
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